…is fun, especially if you’re dealing with total morons. Then again, does it lead anywhere? Not really, but it’s fun, although not that much fun if you’re dealing with lucky ignorant self-righteous asswhipes who think they invented poker, lol.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. After two days of poker playing abstinence I jumped back into the donkpool that’s known as PokerStars to mankind. It didn’t take long before the first bs hand went down. A few weeks back it would have probably catapulted me straight into tilt-land, but hey, I’m over that, at least for the most part.

The usual, hey I’ve got an Ace, that’s gotten be golden, even if the dude raising all-in hasn’t play a hand in two orbits and has shown nothing but the nuts, wait, how do I even know that, I couldn’t care less, I’m worried about my own cards here.

After that I jumped into headsup mode and the same bs went down…

The hammer flop should have given it away, but hey. I didn’t tilt either and took him out a few hands later. Then in the next one, just when you think you’ve seen it all, the biggest cooler comes down. I mean, you get the money in better than anything (4:1) and then the flop comes down. I titled this one the “jackpot cooler”, lol.

Oh well…always nice to flop top boat against quads. *lol*. I took him out a few hands later. Then I donked around a little in the PLO8 headsup matches, won one lost one. Then I tried another six handed SnG…guy cold-calls the flop…the turn brings the nutflush and he leads out…I reraise…the dude behind me cold calls…button dude calls…river double pairs the board…oh shit…I lead out he pushes…now I’m stuck…I guess I should have layed it down, but hey…no error-free session…guy behind me reluctantly folds…button calls….shows his monster Q2 s00000ted….nice hand sir, at least on the flop…

Oh well…I jump back into HU mode and drop one. Win the next one. Then the next bs hand comes down in the third one and I’m sick and tired of it. I congratulate him on his nice catch.

He then goes of and tells me about how this is no bad beat as it’s only a bad beat when you get the money in good. Errrm yeah Einstein, as if there’s any chance to not go broke in that hand. He then tells me my next fault was that I didn’t raise on the flop. Errrm yeah Einstein, the concept is to lead at it hard there with three Kings, way to make money in headsup. He then tells me that after the flop he was on a freeroll anyway. Errm yeah Einstein…shut the hell up donkey boy. You got lucky on my ass catching your moronic three outs and I got unlucky, not only because you caught your friggin three outs, but because I didn’t catch mine on the turn or river and the board sure as hell didn’t pair either, surprise surprise. You gotta love it. But enough ranting, my finishing line was the usual. Nicely done sir, enjoy. I guess he won’t looking at his stats.  Apropos stats, I won the whole 0% coinflips, 0% going in 60/40 (two live vs two live with one over). Mix in the whole “cracking your hands” thing and it’s been one hell of a ride…right into the shitcan. Fucking poker 😉

Today was a day of beats and bad beats both on- and offline. First the offline bad beat: I fire up the good old printer and print a shitload of documents. All fine for the first 50-60 pages…then…paperjam…okay, no biggie. WRONG. I open the thing up and the paperjam is the least of my worries. What happened? Somehow the toner cartridge decided that it was about time to spill a shitload of toner onto the paper…hmm…paper spinning with shitload of toner on it, dirty printer, but wait, it get’s better…was does the laser printer do with the toner once it’s on the paper? Yup, heat it up. So I look at the fuser and the whole thing is really messed up. (Shitload of toner + extended period of heat (thanks to paperjam)) = melted, plastic-like toner everywhere. Wheeeeeeeee…damn! I guess I’ll have to try to clean up the mess and get a new toner, maybe I can save this thing. Bad beat? Well…if something else was busted I would have spare parts, but not the fuser, well, it’s “only” the most expensive part of the whole printer. Dang.

But back to poker content. I fired up some shorthanded SnGs today and it was really fugly. Don’t get me wrong, I cashed in the first three and busted out fifth in the fourth one, so basically all good…then again, not really.

First one, I crush the donkeys and I get down to headsup 3:1 in chips. One fugly hand later and we’re back to even…am I supposed to win the thing there? Errm…probably…sigh…the whole three outs.

He goes ahead and donks off the new won chips like crazy again…then the following hand comes down…(the only way I could have won that hand was to push on the flop, but I don’t like pushing with the Ace on board there, especially considering my kicker)…

Then he catches a set on me…oh well…

I bust out the next hand…60/40…he catches, I don’t. Second place.

I fire up the next one and soon enough I find my next nemesis. To make a long story short: Every single time we bump heads he either has the best hand (very rare) or he sucks out…I take second again…so fugly.

So I fire up the next one and I once we’re headsup I celebrate the third in a row ITM. ITM is fine, but I’m there to win, not to finish second all the time, but that’s exactly what happened, again. I didn’t do any screenshots anymore as I was just sick and tired of it. Let’s just say that I had two nutflush draws that didn’t get there with two cards to come (that makes me something like 1 in 12 over the last week) and the last hand (about even stacks) came down to a coinflip…my 88 vs A9…9 on the flop…A on the river and that’s that…second again.

I fire up the next one and the table is a good mix of fairly good players (aka players who can fold a hand) and true donkeys (they were s00ted, etc). Play is fast and loose, but tightens up significantly in levels 2 and 3. Once the blinds hit 50/100 I’m left with 8xx chips…I look down at QQ in the BB and I love it when EP limps, cutoff raises, button calls…I push…cutoff and button call…flop comes KQK…and I more than triple up into the chiplead (cutoff had 77, button A9o).

A few hands later a true shorty is in the BB. The BB is 200 and he got 140 left behind, I look down at AQo on the button. When it’s folded around to me I decide to pop it up to 600. SB pushes (he got me slightly outchipped). I ponder as the BB folds. The SB had JJ in the BB the hand before and flopped a set. I don’t know why I even think about the hand before this one, but I do. Then I think that it’s probably a flip in the worst case (as he’s on a mini-rush and could very well put me on a steal)…so I call…he shows…JJ…guess what he flops, yes a set…Can I get a “rigged? hell yeah” 😉

So I bust out in fourth in that one and I’m out…enough beats, bad beats and playing against players that should have been out numerous times…night night…

Playing with a slight fever can be quite entertaining. Started the session with a six-handed SnG and crushered the competition to win it in less than half an hour. Then I busted out early in the next two, one time slightly behind, outflopping my opponent, then he resucks, in the next one I went in with the best and the only suck was on me.

After that I went back to headsup and it was fugly. Won the first one. Lost the second one. Played PLO8, won the first one, lost the second one. Then I played some more NL and lost three in a row with some of the most beautiful hands I’ve ever seen. Nothing better than a 66xxx board…you hold J6…your opponent holds J6…another hand against the same opponent JK55A…you hold 45…your opponent holds 56…chop chop…then the clouded judgement really caught up with me…I knew I was beat and still I called…I guess I should have quit two matches earlier…but oh well…

Well, well…I came down with a nasty summer cold on thursday night and it’s not pretty. So while I didn’t play any extended sessions, I managed to squeeze in some poker yesterday evening and tonight.

Yesterday I played strictly headsup, won 3 out of 5 and called it quits. Tonight, I mixed it up a little: Started with a shorthanded SnG and got my balls kicked nicely. First hand JJ in the SB…one limper…I pop it to 100 (5BB)…BB calls…limper folds…flop comes down Kxx…I lead out…BB calls…turn another blank….I fire again…he calls…river blank…I check he checks…he shows K10o…nice call preflop Mr. hey I got a face card. I managed to lose only 3xx chips on that hand, could have been worse. It got worse later on when I got some nice junk kicks and busted in fifth.

After that one I needed to regroup a little and so I fired up a headsup match. A few seconds later the donkey walks in. I always ask myself how you can drop 3k (real $$$) when you’re average SnG limit is five bucks. I got rid of him pretty quickly as he thought his TPMK was the nuts…

So then I was ready for some more shorthanded action. I played really tight early, which wasn’t hard when you’re looking down at 6-/7-/8-/9-high all the time facing raises and reraise preflop. Soon enough I found some hands though and was able to chip up nicely. Then, we’re on the bubble, the usual bs happens.

Soooooo beautiful and what could be better than such a hand? Well, the fact that the donk goes on and bluffs all his (and my chips) off to the third player in the very next hand. BEAUTIFUL. So I went into headsup down about 5:1. Oh well…some hands into headsup I get the money in with nines…opponent calls with KQo…KQx flop…cya. At least some money, so who am I to complain?! Still buggs me…but oh well.

So I fire up the next one and I’m literally card dead the first 15 minutes. I can’t get a hand. Then I decide to take a shot with KJ and it pays off as the JxxxK flop brings me the (lucky) two pair against KQo. Once I finally get some real hands, the donkeys still don’t give me respect. Haha, so beautiful when you see those donks playing one SnG and they still don’t pay attention. Yes sir, I folded for 15 minutes (I played the whole two out of 20+ hands) and I raise and push like crazy, this doesn’t mean I have a good hand, or does it?! 😉

Well, I doubled up with JJ vs A9o. Big stack felt like calling me…ty sir. Then I double up again a few hands later with TPMK when the next donk misses his flush draw and still calls with SPNK. Beautiful. Once we’re down to three-handed it’s my turn again…I push with AQ and get called by yet another Ace rag…this time my Ace stands up though and we’re down to headsup and this time I’m 2:1. A few hands in and we’re even. A few hands later and I’m slightly down. A few hands later push comes to shove and I take down a huge pot, leaving my opponent crippled with 600 chips (blinds 100/200). He steals my blinds for the next two hands as I don’t feel like calling with 23o and 25o. Then he doubles up and doubles up and doubles up and we’re dead even again. Wheeeeeee. A few hands later I’m able to bust him though – I raise preflop, he calls…flop comes down queen high…I flop SPTK. I bet…he calls. Turn is a blank (5)…I check…he pushes…I think I have him, although he could have a queen…I call…he shows Q5o for two pair. Ouch. My first misstep of the evening. Barry G. walks in and yells “Ace on the river”, lol, and I suckout to take it down. Boy does it feel awfully good when something like this happens for once when it counts. So I’m finishing the night with three ITM (two wins) out of 4 contests (including the HU match)…good stuff…I’m out…

…especially when you’re running sort of bad. I started the session with some HU tonight…and for the first time in a long time a won a match quickly.

No surprise that it went downhill from there. Played another HU match and lost that one. Then I jumped into a six handed SnG. Man, those are really killing me these days, it seems that the donkeys can’t wait to jump into them. It’s just beautiful when you look at their sharkscope stats and they’re all so fishy that you can literally smell it – until they suckout on you though…surprise surprise. I busted out in fifth when I played my nutflush draw aggressively – that’s the sixth in a row that doesn’t hit, oh well. All good there, it happens. I jump right into the next one and I play my usual tight game early. After folding the first orbit I get some hands and I raise from UTG+1 with queens, cbet on the flop get’s me the pot. Next hand I look down at AQ s00ted in the cutoff…raise…the same donk calls again…flop comes Q high…I cbet after his check and he folds again. Next hand I look down at AJo on the button…folded around to me…I pop it up again…the same donk decides that he’s going to mix it up this time…he pushes from the SB and the BB folds…action is on me. I replay the last few hands in my mind and I come to one conclusion: he’s fed up with my “constant”/consecutive raises and he wants to take a stand, most certainly with a medium-garbage hand…I decide to call and yes indeed, he got the whole 3 outs with his QJo…lol…I’m still confident after the king high flop…then the usual bs happens…runner runner…ty very much….god the deck loves donkeys….

So fugly…I bust out within the next orbit when my next AJ runs into AK…so fugly, fugly fugly. Oh well…after that bs I decided to play some more headsup and won the next two matches. That’s enough for me today…

That about sums up my sessions today. Played one in the early afternoon and finished up the other one just now. Disgusting. Aces cracked after flopping top set…the almighty 56 s00ted catches his miracle straight card…nut flush draw + two overs with two cards to come…no g00t…straight under straight…set under set…running into aces three-handed…the whole shebang…I’ve seen it all today…

Summary: 5 shorthanded SnGs – third, third, fifth, sixth, fourth; two headsup matches – first, second…all in all I dropped nearly 70$ today…really fugly, especially considering that I didn’t tilt off any money, it was just cooler here (on the bubble), cooler there (on the bubble), bad luck here…nice catch nice catch…no catch for me, (nut-) flushes caught with two cards to come 1/8, my favourite hand of the night: I’m in the BB with Aces…two limpers, so I decide to not fool around…I pop it to 5BB…I get one caller in the cutoff….flop comes down A79 with two hearts…once again I decide to not fool around and I bet 3/4 of the pot…insta-call…which leads me to believe that he’s on a flush-draw…turn is the 8s…I bet 3/4 of the pot again…he min-raises…hmm…somehow this doesn’t make sense…I call anyway….river 3c…I make a small defensive bet (360 into a 2.x k pot) and he min-raises again…oh what the heck…I call…he flips over…5d6d…caught the gutterball on the turn…sooooooo fugly….at least they were s00ted…I’m out…(btw I got auto-muck on, so I painted the AA into the pic)…

After sunday’s footie (soccer) victory and claiming the league championship (see pennant below), it was time to make my “comeback” today.

I only played two six handed SnGs. Busted out in 4th in the first one and won the second one. Nice session, although something weird happened:

I didn’t lose a single race (yes, I won ’em all, the whole two of ’em). I didn’t catch a straight and/or flush draw (no, not a single one, not even a OESFD with two cards to come). Hmm…weird…

So…this is post 500 on this little corner of the interweb and I thought long and hard about something (special) to write about for this “anniversary post”, then again why should this post be any different than the other posts and more importantly, what would be the special thing to write about? The WSOP? I don’t think so, there’s people out there that do that much better than I could…cough…Dr. Pauly and Dr. Pauly at Pokernews. Some strategy? Nah.

So…after some deliberation I decided that post 500 would be just like any other post, a post about my daily adventures in the (live and online) poker world.

Since my last post I switch to six handed SnGs almost exclusively. They’re a little less swingy than the HU matches and although I took some sick beats, some in rapid succession, I’m still doing okay. That being said, the results could be better. But honestly, how many wins or what win percentage is (good) enough? Coming back to one of the points I already made in numerous posts: Fact #1 – I want to win every match I play. Fact #2 – That’s impossible. So for the time being, I’ll settle for more wins (or cashes) than losses and that’s exactly what happened over the last few days. Win one, bubble, bust out early, second place, bubble, win, bust out early, bubble, etc…

But enough of online play. Tonight we had a nice little bbq and afterwards we talked poker for nearly two hours. Inspired by all the strategy talk (mixed with some bad beat and crazy hand stories), we decided to play a little SnG. Things looked grim early as I got ugly cards and even uglier flops when I had the chance to look at one. Soon enough my stack was dwindling and I had to make a move – good thing that my AQ held up against AJ and I could double up. After that I made some pressure plays in position and soon enough I had a nice chip cushion. As the blinds escalated, luck seemed to be still on my side, but that changed quickly. Four handed, cutoff folds, button raises 3BB (which are substantial at that point), SB folds, I look down at 88 in the BB and decide to call. Flop comes down 965 with two spades. I check…button pushes…decision time. A call would cost me roughly 40% of my stack and I start to figure out what he could have. Raise on the button could lead to a discount of his hand, but I’m not too sure. After some deliberation I put him on the following range: A9o, AK to AJ (maybe two spades), AA to TT and A5/A6 with the Ace of spades…against that range my pure outs would be two eights and three sevens (and I’m probably dead if another spade falls). So…I think a little more and I decide to let it go, we talk and we both show our hands…he had 66 and got lucky on my ass.

Fast forward a few orbits and “lovely” 62o, 74o, etc etc later and I’m the shortest stack three handed. I look down at presto on the button and push…SB thinks and thinks and finally calls…BB folds. SB 77…flop J57 two hearts, yuck, turn heart….river heart…bad news…neither of us has a heart…so I bubble in third. Oh well…firstly I was short, secondly even if we see a flop the money will go in…thirdly…better luck next time…I’m out…time to catch some sleep before we, hopefully, claim the football championship tomorrow…booze galore…cya on the other side (probably later monday or tuesday ;-))

…or your words will come back to haunt you. Do you remember how I talked about running good at the end of yesterday’s post? Well, that was a short-lived good run for sure. I started of by playing the usual turbo HU matches and I ran awful. QQ vs A10 again…this time no four-flush but a fugly A on the river, Barry would be proud. I win the next one (against the #10 ranked player in the sharkscope less than 20$ leaderboard) and then lose 4 in a row. The usual ugly hands (overpair vs overpair, two pair vs set, etc) and some fugly four-flush and/or runner runner hands totally kicked me in the junk.

After that I switched to six handed SnGs and won the first one. Nice. In the second one I bubbled as the shortest stack. All good there, had to push…didn’t connect…

After that 1 for 2, I switched to headsup again. I played against a semi-pro in PLO8 and while he didn’t totally own me, I just couldn’t fend him off. I hit the third nut flush, he got the nut flush. I got the set, he got the straight. All the while he’s holding the better low, too. Oh well…so I switched to PLO and I won the match easily. One more NL HE HU W and I’m out of here…a little bit stuck, but at least not steamin 😉

1. Jump into two six handed SnGs at 13$ a pop.

2. Play a solid, tight agressive game.

3. Build your stack to first or second chip position.

4. Get yourself involved in a monster pot with the best hand. I put him on AK/AQ there and one way or another I had him on the flop for sure – that’s all I knew. The rest is the usual goodness.

PokerStars Game #10237427319: Tournament #51882423, $12+$1 Hold’em
No Limit – Level IV (50/100) – 2007/06/02 – 18:21:17 (ET)
Table ‘51882423 1’ 6-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: Donk1 (2310 in chips)
Seat 3: Donk2 (1430 in chips)
Seat 4: Ingoal (1880 in chips)
Seat 5: Donk3 (2185 in chips)
Seat 6: Donk4 (1195 in chips)
Donk2: posts small blind 50
Ingoal: posts big blind 100
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Ingoal [Ah 7s]
Ingoal said, “pp”
Donk3: folds
Donk4: folds
Donk1: folds
Donk2: raises 200 to 300
Ingoal: calls 200
*** FLOP *** [As 6d 7d]
Donk2: bets 400
Ingoal: raises 1180 to 1580 and is all-in
Donk2: calls 730 and is all-in
Ingoal said, “cooler” < - announced before it even happened, lol, jinxed?! *** TURN *** [As 6d 7d] [6h] *** RIVER *** [As 6d 7d 6h] [8h] *** SHOW DOWN *** Donk2: shows [Ad 8d] (two pair, Aces and Eights) Ingoal: shows [Ah 7s] (two pair, Aces and Sevens) Donk2 collected 2860 from pot Ingoal said, "so sick" Ingoal said, "nh" 5. Look down at your crippled stack of 350. Steamin...still not pushing all in on the next three hands. Look down at KK in the next one and push. Button wakes up with something. Ooooh KK too....

8. Think about last three minutes of play: Coolered, lol, coolered. Poker is so beautiful sometimes, wait, not really.

9. Sit here and type this post shouting “Fuck you PokerStars, F U C K Y O U!”

That’s all for now…thanks for your attention.