If so, please tell me. I’ll smile right smack into the middle of the camera, laugh and wave and we can get this over with as it’s getting too ridiculous. Thank you.

I start off with some shorthanded NL (SnG)…nothing much going on…can’t catch anything. All good…I exit in fourth with the second best hand. No problem.

I jump into headsup mode and meet a fellow german. He’s pretty aggressive and has lots of bullets in the chamber, so I’m waiting for him to make a mistake. He complies as I make, well…a good call, at least I think so. Situation…he raises preflop, like 80-90% of the hands, and I call with A4o. Flop comes down J48…I lead out and he insta-pushes. My head screams call call call….but I restrain myself from insta-calling and try to think it through. I got bottom pair with the Ace kicker. He raised preflop, which I can discount as he raised with pretty much ATC. I think he has two big cards here…and I’m hoping that the J isn’t one of them. Then again…why would he push here with a Jack? Doesn’t make sense. So I make the call for all the marbles…he shows K10o…ooooh wheee…me initial thought was correct, he made a bs move with two overs…so…six outs to dodge, 3:1 favourite. Turn Q…Some more outs for him, but still 2,5:1…river…9…runner runner goodness. Thank you.

On to the next match…he’s a little more passive and does all the lovely donkey plays. Preflop push with any low pair, min raise with monster pair and two big cards, etc. We play a little and he minraises. Wheeee…got a big pair or at least two big cards mr. donk, huh? Well…let’s see if we can hit the jackpot with J6o. Flop comes down 6J9….wheeee…jackpot…let’s see how he plays it…check…small cbet…call….turn 8….check…push. Hmm…what do we have here? The turn brought a possible straight, which doesn’t fit into the scheme of his play here (10-7 or Q10 are unlikely here)…he over-pushes big time…which fits right into my read…big pair…AA/KK/QQ…I call…what does he show…Queens….wheeee….you got two queens, three nines, three eights and four tens sir…you’re a 73/27 dog…hmm…river? Queen…thank you very much.

No need to play anymore HU or hold’em for that matter when you’re running like this. Even the best read and best hand in the world can’t save me here. This is getting spooky. So I jump into some PL5CD action and as we’re down to four handed the usual happens…someone draws out on me for all the money…why oh why do you need to catch trips against my two pair…even more important…why did you call my predraw raise with a pair of Jacks in the first place? Oh well…results are with you sir, you made a profound play here sir, very nice.

So, coming back to my original train of thought: If you’re the producer of the hidden camera show and it’s true that you’re pulling one on me…please, show yourself, I’ll cut a nice promo for you. I’m out and I’ll probably take a break for a few days as I just can’t stand it anymore…the pain is getting to me and I don’t want to throw good money after bad and spiral into ultra-cooler land again. Cya in a few days…